A smile for my sadness
by TheRealKira
Summary: My therapist told me I'd feel better if I wwrote out wwhat happened with Sol. I guess since it's wwritten out anywway I might as wwell let you read it. My name is Eridan Ampora, and this is the story of the happiness, and heartbreak Sol caused me.
1. Chapter 1

**So, um this is like my first homestuck story, and it was sort of inspired by another story I read (I forget the name though, I'm sorry) Anyway, I just want to say, there's A LOT of lame stories for Erisol. I'm not trying to put anyone down, there just is. So here's my Erisol story that is probably just as lame. Please don't get mad if I screw up a minor detail, I haven't even met Sollux yet. Anyway, on with the story!**

Sollux Captor was everything to me. I loved him more then I had ever loved anybody before, and I thought he loved me back. In the last few months of our relationship, he would come back to our shared apartment late at night smelling of perfume. That is, on the days he bothered to come home at all. I guess that was okay though. He never took anything seriously about our relationship. But for some reason, I still loved him.

We met in collage. I needed a place to stay, and he had a room to rent out. So it worked out perfectly. We didn't like each other at first, in fact he almost kicked me out a few times. But obviously that never happened. Even through all our fighting, I still managed to fall in love with him.

I told him about everything on my 20th birthday. "Sol," I said. "You're probably going to kick me out for this, but I'm in lovve wwith you."

"What?" He exclaimed in utter surprise. "How could you be iin love with me? No one that Ii liike ever ii2. Only annoyiing giirl2 ever like me, but never 2omeone Ii actually care about."

"You care about me?" I asked in a whisper.

Sollux nodded. "Ii've been iin love wiith you for a while now. Ii ju2t couldn't really 2ay anythiing about iit for fear you didn't liike me back."

"I'vve had a crush on you for a long time, Sol. You should havve told me."

"You 2hould have told me about yours, Eriidan. How about thii2, Ii'll tell you everything, iif you do the 2ame." He offered.

"Deal." I said with a smile. Then, Sol kissed me.

I know it sounds cheesy; like something that happens in all the movies, and I guess it was. But just because it happens in movies doesn't mean it couldn't actually happen right? Most of what happened to me was like a movie. Actually, just about everything was. Well except for Sol's weird fetish for something called "cosplay."

After that night, we started dating. It was kind of weird living in the same house as my boyfriend, especially since we had JUST started dating. But we ended up getting closer that way. I guess it was kind of a mixed blessing. On the bright side, we never had to worry about communication problems. But on the down side, you can't really avoid them if you need time to yourself.

I remember one day, I got really jealous that my ex girlfriend was flirting with him. She was hanging off of him and laughing at his bad jokes, I just couldn't take it. They had a lot more things in common then the two of us did. I ran home crying, thinking that as soon as he got home he'd break up with me for her; but he proved me wrong.

"Eriidan? What'2 wrong? Ii can hear you crying." He asked knocking on my bedroom door when he got home.

"Go awway, Sol, I don't wwant to talk to you right now." I chocked out trying to keep my voice even.

"Ii'm coming iin, Eriidan, whether you liike it or not." He warned. A few seconds later, the door clicked open, and Sollux walked in.

A look of horror crossed his face as he saw my tears, a knife, and my blood. I looked down in embarrassment over the fact he caught me cutting myself.

"Eriidan, what happened?" He whispered sitting down next to me.

"You knoww wwhat happened, noww hurry up and break up wwith me. I don't wwant to havve to wwait any longer." I cried.

"Eriidan, that'2 crazy talk. Why would Ii ever leave you?" He asked.

""I saw you wwith Fef. You twwo havve more in common then wwe do. Wwhy wwouldn't you wwant to date her instead of me?" I asked, tears still streaming down my face.

"Becau2e, Ii have you. Why would Ii need anyone el2e?" he asked.

That got me to smile a bit. I didn't think he'd say anything like that. I hadn't even thought for a second he'd chose me over her.

"Now, how about we put the kniife away. Ii think you've lo2t enough blood for one day, and frankly, Ii don't want to lo2e any my2elf." He laughed a bit, and took away the knife.

"I lovve you Sol." I whispered barley loud enough for him to hear.

"Ii love you too Eriidan." He smiled.

A few minutes later, he took me out to the kitchen, and put a bandage on each one of my cuts. I felt happy, and loved. I wasn't used to those feelings. I had never felt like anyone loved me before now, and I thought it would last a long time. Of coarse, I was wrong. I should have seen that coming from the start, but I was just lost in the feeling of love.

We were together a year before our first fight. It was my own stupidity; I thought he was ready for something he wasn't. It started off innocently enough; on his birthday we dressed up in cos, and wondered around town. He accidentally let it slip that he wanted to have sex in cosplay one day. Thinking he was hinting at something, as soon as we got home, I started feverishly kissing him. He had kissed back, but when I tried to take off his shirt he pushed me away.

"Wwhat's wwrong?" I asked.

"What are you tryiing to do?!" He yelled.

"Didn't you say you wanted to have sex in cosplay?" I asked a tiny bit confused.

"Yeah, but not now! We only ju2t 2tarted dating a year ago!" Sollux cried.

"A year is more then enough time to wwait. Most couples do it in less then six months." I pointed out.

"2o? We're not mo2t couple2! We are nothiing liike mo2t couple2! Ju2t, ju2t leave me alone for a biit." Sollux said and then walked into his room slamming the door behind him.

That was the first time in a year that I felt unloved. That was the second time that I knew we were over, and this time I really, really believed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**So by the way, they are human stuck. I forgot to point that out before. (I'm sorry!)**

I went to my room, and frantically searched for a sharp object of any kind. I found a pair of scissors, and opened them as wide as I could. As I held it just millimeters away from my wrist, I thought back to the last time Sollux found me doing this. How happy he had made me; how he had told me I was the only one for him, and I believed him. The scars from last time had long since faded to a thin white line. But I didn't really care if I had to open them up again. I had reopened scars many times in my life. I was used to it. Staring at all the scars on my wrist made me even more depressed, and I stabbed the scissors in to my wrist. The pain that I felt was nothing compared to the emptiness it brought me, and right then, I needed emptiness.

I watched as the blood trickled out of my wound. It wasn't deep enough for me to lose a very big amount of blood, but it was deep enough to probably leave an ugly scar. It felt so good, that once the first gash stopped bleeding, I opened up another one. I continued slitting gash's into my wrist for about an hour. I stopped when I started to feel dizzy. Even if I wanted to pass out, I didn't want to burden Sol. I still loved him even if he hated me.

I stayed in my room until I got hungry. It was almost six, so I decided I should make dinner. I noticed that the dishwasher wasn't on so I assumed Sollux hadn't made anything for himself yet. I didn't mind making him dinner, I had many times before. But when I knocked on his door to tell him it was ready, he ignored me.

"Obvviously, he's still angry at me." I muttered to myself. "Wwell either that or he's sleeping."

I ate my dinner alone, and I kind of wondered if he'd kick me out. I doubted he'd want me to stay here once we broke up, and honestly, I didn't think I'd want to stay there either. It would just be awkward.

After I ate, I decided I might as well not wait around for him to leave me. If he was going to break up with me anyway, I might as well start packing. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I couldn't believe I had caused this. I wished I could go back in time, and have waited until he made a move on me. I wished everything could be taken back. But it couldn't.

I didn't have any boxes or anything, so I'd have to come back for my possessions. I grabbed my wallet, and my phone, and then quickly scribbled down a note saying I was sorry, and I'd get my stuff as soon as I could. All the while, I was silently crying my eyes out.

I had enough money for a night at a hotel. If I hadn't just paid my rent then I would have had a lot more money. It was about nine at night when I walked in to a hotel about a block from my house.

"Can I have a room for a night?" I asked my voice raspy from crying.

"Are you okay?" The worker asked. "You look like you've been crying." She looked about my age, and she seemed genuinely worried about me, but I wasn't about to tell her my life story.

"I'm fine; I'm just going through some stuff." I muttered.

"Did your girlfriend break up with you? My boyfriend broke up with me last week; I was pretty upset about that." She said.

"No."

"Well, um I'm not really good at this, but would you like to go out with me tomorrow?" she asked as a light blush spread across her face.

"I'm sorry, but I'm gay, and I just broke up wwith the person I lovved more then anything else in this world. So evven if I wwasn't, I still wwouldn't go out wwith you. Noww, can I havve a room? I'vve had a rough day, and I need some rest." I asked trying to smile a bit.

"Um, sure." She muttered getting even redder. She tossed me a key, and I walked straight up to the room.

It was bigger then I needed. There were two double beds showing that it was a room for two or more people. A twinge of sadness rushed over me for a second. I thought about how much fun Sol and I would have had staying in a hotel together on a vacation or something. I shook my head to try and get rid of that image. I had to forget about Sollux. Even if I was in love with him I had to remember that he didn't love me anymore. To him, I was nothing but an ex.

All of a sudden, my phone rang surprising me greatly.

"ERIIDAN, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! II CAME OUT OF MY ROOM AND YOU WERE GONE! ALL THERE WA2, WA2 A FUCKIING NOTE THAT 2AIID YOU WERE LEAVIING ME! IIF YOUR LEAVIING ME, AT LEA2T GIIVE ME A REA2ON WHY!" Sollux yelled as soon as I picked up my phone.

"I knoww you wwere going to break up wwith me. I made you really angry by coming on to you. I figured that if you wwere going to break up wwith me anyway, I might as wwell save you the trouble." I explained trying to hold back another round of tears.

"YEAH, EVER FUCKIING NOTIICE THAT WHEN YOU THIINK II'M LEAVIING YOU, II'M NOT?!" He yelled "Where are you? We need to talk."

I told him the hotel I was in, and said I'd meet him in the lobby in ten minutes. I wasn't really in the mood to start crying again, and I defiantly didn't want to create anymore scars. I sighed and then went down to the lobby to wait for him.

"I know it's not my place to ask, but you look pretty tense is everything okay?" The front desk girl asked.

"Yeah, I'm just wwaiting for some one." I mumbled.

She smiled happily "You guys made up didn't you? I mean you and your boyfriend."

"I honestly don't knoww, he wwas yelling at me on the phone, so it's possible. But either wway, I'll be staying the night so you'll still get paid for the room." I said.

"Oh, I don't care about that; it's my dad's hotel so I don't need to worry." She said still sounding pretty happy. "If you didn't stay the night, my dad wouldn't notice."

"Ahh." I said trying to sound interested, but it was really hard especially when you're waiting for someone.

"Eriidan!" Sollux cried rushing into the hotel doors.

"Sol, you actually came!" I smiled.

Sollux ran up to me, and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "Plea2e don't leave me agaiin over 2omethiing like that. Ju2t becau2e Ii'm mad, doe2n't mean Ii want to break up."

"I realize that noww." I looked up at him, and could tell that he had been crying too. "Can wwe go talk in a little more privvacy?"

Sollux looked over at the girl and nodded. "Yeah, that'2 probably a good iidea."

We walked together to the elevator, and waited for it in silence. He grabbed my hand, and I silently prayed he wouldn't notice the new marks on my wrist.

Sollux raised one eyebrow "What are the2e?" He asked referring to my scars. "Ii thought we decided that you weren't going to do that anymore."

I blushed a bit. "I'm sorry."

"Eriidan, look, even iif Ii wa2 to leave you for 2ome 2tupiid rea2on, Ii 2tiill don't want you to hurt your2elf. Can you promii2e me that?"

I nodded.

"Good, 2o Ii a22ume we're back together now?"

I nodded again "Unless you don't wwant to be."

"Ii love you too much to 2tay apart from you."

"I lovve you too."

Then we went back to my room. I'd tell you what we did, but I assume you can guess. Anyway, I don't remember in vivid enough detail, and I don't want to have a chunk of my story in the worst description ever. So I'll just continue with the rest of the story.

Sollux and I stayed together for a long time. We had another happy patch that lasted a few years. Everything was fine between us except for a few minor fights. By now, we had been together about four years. Most couples would have been married by now, and that's what I wanted too, but every time I brought up marriage Sollux got squeamish.

It made total sense to me. Sollux and I were both guys, and his parents might not be to happy about the fact that I wanted to marry him. I didn't have anything to worry about since my parents died when I was eight-teen, but maybe other parents wouldn't like that. Or maybe Sol just didn't believe in marriage. Maybe he thought that it didn't matter if we were married or not since we knew we were only each others. But that didn't stop the fact that I really wanted to get married to him.

I didn't bother asking him about it, because usually he'd change the subject. I also didn't want to ask his parents for fear that he'd get disowned or something. I didn't know of any friends he had before, or if he even had any. So I didn't really know what to do. Dropping it was out of the question, even if he didn't believe in marriage that still wouldn't change the fact that I did. It wouldn't be fair if I gave up my beliefs for his, especially since I didn't even know his.

It never for a second dawned on me that maybe he didn't even want to marry me. I didn't think that maybe he just wanted me for now, and as soon as someone better came along he'd leave me. Like I said before, I should have though. I should have done a lot of things. Actually, if I could I would take back everything that happened the day I told him my feelings. It would have saved me a ton of heartbreak that I didn't need.

But if I hadn't ever told Sol my feelings, you wouldn't be sitting here right now reading my story about my relationship. So I guess it might be a win for you. But whatever. Any who, I got a bit distracted. I was saying, everything started getting worse when we met Aradia.

Aradia was a girl that moved in across the hall from us. She liked ghosts and weird stuff like that. Oh, and she also liked Sol. Of coarse I didn't even find this out until recently.

**So do you like it so far? I hope so. Anyway, I think I may have spelled Aradia's name wrong, so just tell me if I did. One more thing, in case you haven't noticed, this story is being told as if Eridan was telling it. I was tempted to put the writing quirk for everything, but that's really, REALLY annoying. Anyway, see you in chapter 3.**


	3. Chapter 3

Aradia was one of the nicest girls I had even met. The only thing was she had an annoying habit of trying to steal other people's boyfriends. She would flirt with Sollux non stop. I guess I shouldn't have gotten to mad, especially since Sollux never took her up on any of her offers, it was just… something about her. I could tell she'd end up destroying my relationship from the start, but Sollux disagreed. Of course he would, especially if he wanted to throw me off.

I wasn't jealous that they were friends or anything, because I had friends too. If I was aloud to hang out with my friends why wouldn't he be allowed to hang out with his?

Back then, my best friend, Kar, would always tell me I should dump Sol. He would tell me that if I didn't dump him, I'd be cheated on. I didn't ever take that as anything. Especially since I knew that Karkat wanted me all to himself. But maybe I should have taken the hint.

Things started getting bad one night at one of Aradia's parties. She invited Sol, so obviously I had to come too. She also invited Kar which made me feel a bit less left out. I don't know how it happened, but Sollux ended up getting really drunk. Like to the point where he couldn't stand up straight and it took him a minute to spit out five words. I had never seen sol get that drunk before. Usually, he could handle his liquor pretty well but I guess tonight was an exception.

Aradia was "drunk" as well. Well, at least according to her she was. As soon as she assumed Sollux wouldn't be able to do anything about it, she sat down on his lap and started kissing him.

He didn't push her away.

Nobody said anything.

And I just watched as my boyfriend made out with a girl.

"Kar," I muttered going up to Karkat.

"What's up?" He asked as he took a shot of some drink.

"Aradia just kissed Sollux." I said; my voice hardly a whisper.

"No way!" He laughed "Really?"

I nodded once and looked down sadly.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" He asked putting one of his hands on my shoulder and pulling me really close to his face.

I took a deep breath. "I want you to take my mind off of it, and I don't want to remember a thing."

"Now you're speaking my language." He smiled then kissed me.

I woke up the next morning in a room I didn't recognize. My head was pounding, and I wanted to throw up. I looked over next to me, and saw the sleeping figure of Kar next to me. Careful not to wake him up, I slowly sat up and looked around the room.

Scattered around the room were our clothes from last night. My mind finally started working, and I realized we were in Karkat's house.

"Good morning." Kar yawned wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my lap.

"What happened?" I asked careful not to look at Kar.

"You told me I'm not aloud to tell you. All I can say is that you found Sollux kissing Aradia and you wanted me to take your mind off of it."

"Oh…yeah." I mumbled remembering the thing about Sollux. I guess I couldn't really get mad at him. All he did was kiss her. As far as I know, I had sex with Karkat so I guess he had to be off the hook. It wasn't fair if I held him against something he did while he was drunk. It's not like he could really do anything about it.

"Don't worry, Sollux and Aradia did a lot worse then we did so you don't need to feel bad" Karkat smiled. "Now, what do you want for breakfast?"

**I know it's short. Please don't be mad. Next chapter will we waaaay longer. See you in Ch 4**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry if the spelling sucks. I don't have spell check at the moment.**

I was overwhelmed with guilt. I was so in love with Sol but I cheated on him. Of course he cheated on me too, but that didn't mean anything to me. He could cheat on me if he wanted. Sure it would hurt, but I guess I was just pathetic enough to take it.

Considering the way I was feeling right now, I don't know how I was able to walk home and look into Sol's eyes. I kind of wondered if Sol was feeling guilty too.

If he was, he didn't act like it. I got home and he acted totally normal. I guess that was a good thing. We could act like last night didn't happen.

THe only thing that sucked was the fact he ignored me completely for a week afterwords. I didn't see him much, and I wanted an explanation. As soon as he got home from work, I cornered him against a wall.

"Explain noww!" I demanded "You'vve ignored me for a wweek, and it's time this stopped."

"What are you talkiing about?" He asked trying to escape. "Eriidan, let go! Ii have to go 2omewhere. Ii ju2t came by to drop off 2ome 2tuff. Unliike you, Ii actually HAVE a 2ociial liife."

"Do you knoww wwhy I don't have plans?" I asked moving closer to him. "It's because I havve been wwaiting for my boyfriend to hang out wwith me instead of leavving wwithin seconds of getting home. So do you wwant to explain wwhere you havve been going?"

"Jesu2, ED, don't be 2o 2t becau2e we're datiing, doe2n't mean Ii'm not aloud to hang out wiith other people."

"Just because you're hanging out wwith someone doesn't mean you havve to havve sex wwith them!" I yelled, and the second those words left my mouth I wished they didn't.

A look of horror crossed Sol's face. "How… diid… you… know?" He whispered.

"Sol, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that." I said quickly.

"No, you're riight. Ii 2houldn't have done that and Ii wii2h Ii diidn't. Truthfully Ii have been 2eeiing AA behiind your back and that'2 not faiir to you. Ii'll break iit off wiith her today and then Ii'll just be yours, Ii promise." Sollux grabbed my hands in his and kissed me. Instinctively, I pushed into the kiss, trying to move his lips with mine. Instead of kissing back, Sollux pulled away. "Ii have to go AA ii2 waiitiing for me but Ii'll be back 2oon Ii promii2e. Then Ii'll make iit up to you when Ii get home." He quickly kissed me again then walked out.

I should have been happy. All of our relationship problems were solved. Sollux still loved me and we would be happy again. He didn't need to know about my one night thing with Kar, but if he asked I would gladly tell him everything. Because I loved him so much.

I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. I didn't remember falling asleep but I was on the couch. I looked at my phone and saw that Kar had been trying to contact me for a few hours with text messages and phone calls.

"Hello" I said into the phone

"FINALLY YOU ANSWER" Karkat yelled "I'M COMING OVER I HAVE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING" He hung up before i could say anything and withing minutes he was at my door.

"COME ON!" He yelled

"I can't leavve" I told him. "Sol is goin to be here soon. He's goin to make it up to me."

Karkat shook his head "YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT DO YOU? SOLLUX DOESN'T LOVE YOU HE'S IN LOVE WITH ARADIA. YOUR JUST THE PERSON HE LIVES WITH. HE HAS NEVER LOVED YOU ERIDAN BEFORE ARADIA IT WAS FEFERI, YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THIS? SHE TOLD ME! SOLLUX IS JUST USING YOU."

I felt my heart sink. Sollux didn't love me? For the first time since I woke up I looked at the clock. It was eight hours since Sol left. He wasn't coming back tonight. If he did he'd sneak into the house late at night then in the morning he'd tell me I fell asleep early or some shit like that.

"Go awway." I choked out. "I wwant to be alone."


	5. Chapter 5

**So, here's my awesome update that may suck so much, or make you cry, whatever. Enjoy, read, review, follow, favourite, I don't even care haha as long as you enjoy it.**

I felt nothing but numb. He had stolen everything from me. I loved him so much and now I couldn't even look at the pictures of him without crying. A wall that once was covered in pictures of the two of us together, when we were actually happy, was now nothing but shredded remains of the pictures.

My wrists were covered in ugly red scars, and even though Kar tried to stop me, they always found their way back to my wrist.

The only thing that kept me alive anymore was Kar. He was my everything, and I eventually fell in love with him. I would never tell him that. I couldn't allow my self to trust someone with my heart again. But then again, maybe he could be the exception.

I wasn't sure if he lived with me or not. He was here when I woke up around noon and was with me when I fell asleep at four in the morning crying. I know sometimes he stayed the night. I would ask him to cuddle with me until I fell asleep then we would wake up around the same time still in each others arms.

Many times he told me he loved me, and although I wanted to take him in my arms and tell him how much I loved him, I just couldn't. Every time he said it, it hurt me more. But he didn't care if he said it back.

I guess you could say we were dating, but I still hadn't officially broken up with Sol so I would never say that we were. But then again, Sol hadn't come home for weeks. For a while he would come over for a few minutes to pick something up, Kar would glare at him, and then he would leave. I guess we gave him the impression that we didn't want him anywhere near us.

Early one morning, at around six, I heard the door to the apartment open. I assumed it was just Kar, and I was going to let myself drift back into sleep when I heard talking.

"AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Kar asked sounding annoyed.

"Iit'2 my hou2e Ii own thii2 apartment 2o Ii can come here whenever the hell Ii want. Iit2 a miiracle that Ii haven't kicked you two out yet." Was that Sol?

"WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE"

"You haven't even let me talk to hiim. All you diid was tell him Ii'm not comiing back and tell me never two talk two hiim agaiin. How do you think Ii feel about being told Ii can't talk to my boyfriiend anymore? Do you know how much thii2 ha2 hurt me? Ii broke up wiith AA for hiim, and you're riight Ii 2houldn't have cheated on hiim iin the fiir2t place, but 2tiill. Ii came home after breakiing her heart two fiind you siittiing iin front of my own fuckiing hou2e 2ayiing that Ii can't 2ee hiim anymore. Ii diidn't even know who the fuck you were. Ii want two 2ee hiim now. Ii love hiim 2o much and Ii can't take going without hiim any longer. Let me 2ee hiim now!" I started to tear up hearing this. Did Sol really mean this? Did he really love me? Did Kar really do that?

"I DID IT FOR HIS OWN GOOD. HE'S TO GOOD FOR YOU SOLLUX. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'VE HURT HIM? I HOLD HIM ALMOST EVERYDAY AS HE CRYS HIMSELF TO SLEEP. YOU KNOW WHY HE'S CRYING? BECAUSE OF YOU"

"No, no KK Ii diidn't do thii2 two hiim. All Ii diid wa2 love hiim. You were the one who liied to hiim and broke up our happy liife together. You ruiined iit, you broke hii2 heart, you cau2ed hii2 tear2. You know, iif you really loved hiim a2 much a2 you 2ay, wouldn't you try to make hiim happy before making your2elf happy?"

"I TOLD YOU HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! NOW SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HURT YOU."

"He doe2n't want two 2ee the me that you created. But the real one, the one he used two bee iin love wiith; he'd probably liike two 2ee. Tru2t me KK you may thiink you know ED but you don't. Ii know hiim more then anyone el2e. Do you know what his favouriite 2ong by Katy Perry ii2? Do you know the game he'2 wor2t at, at chucky chee2e2? Hii2 favouriite book 2eriie2? What ii2 hii2 fuckiing 2hoe 2ize? Do you even know that? You don't love hiim, Ii love hiim you ju2t want to fuck hiim."

"PEACOCK, THE DRIVING ONES, HARRY POTTER, SIZE 11. TRY YOUR WORST CAPTOR I KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM THEN HE DOES"

"What'2 hii2 favouriite mu2ical and hii2 favouriite 2ong from iit?" I smiled to myself hearing Sol say that. Kar didn't know that. It wasn't hard to know the other ones. Especially the Harry Potter one with my constant rambling of how DracoxHerminie was the best pairing in the book and J.K Rowling should have made them fall in love.

"GREASE, AND GREASE LIGHTNING"

"2ee you don't know hiim. Chicago, Razzle Dazzle. You don't know how many tiime2 he made u2 watch that movie ju2t for that one 2ong." Sol laughed a bit. "Ii hate that movie 2o much. Ii know every word two every 2ong and every dance move. Ii diidn't want two watch iit a million tiime2 but Ii diid iit because Ii loved hiim. Would you do that for hiim? Do you even know about hii2 cou2iin?" I wanted to jump out of bed and hug Sol. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was and that I loved him more then life itself. He didn't look like he was paying attention when I told him. He had been half asleep, his arm draped over my body, and we had just had sex together for the first time. Why would he pay attention to me telling him about what Cronus did to me?

"WHY DO I CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID FACTS? HE'S MY BOYFRIEND NOW AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM BACK EVER. EVEN IF HE WON'T ADMIT IT, HE LOVES ME."

I waited silently to hear Sol's reply. But there wasn't one. All was silent for a few minutes.

**BANG**

I froze, eyes widened in horror. Someone had just been shot, and I had no idea who was shot, but I couldn't go out there and check. I hoped it wasn't Sol, hearing him say all those nice things about me made me want him back. All the feelings I had for came rushing back, leaving a huge lump in my throat.

But then again I didn't want it to be Kar. He had been there when I was nothing but a crumbled mess. He had kept me alive in my most difficult time. I did love him, but maybe not like I loved Sol.

I don't know if I could live without either of them. Sure if I hadn't heard Sol say such nice things about me I would probably not care if he was alive or dead, but he had said those things.

But then there was the other things Sol said. Kar was the reason Sol left in the first place. Kar had hurt me. It was all Kar, it was all some kind of cheap trick trying to win my heart. If it wasn't for him none of this would have happened.

_None of it._

If Kar hadn't done this, one of the men I loved wouldn't be on the floor dead. It was all his fault. For a brief second I didn't care if it was Karkat that was dead. I wanted him dead. I wanted him to suffer as much as he made me suffer. I wanted him to pay for what he did. Pay for the lies he had told me. Pay for the problems he had caused me. It was his fault my wrists were covered in scars.

But then it passed. I remembered our date to chucky cheeses, how he had won me a stuffed sea horse. I remember the weird faces we made to the camera in the photo booth. But we kissed for the last picture, just to make it cute. I couldn't wish for his death.

"Fuck" I heard one of them swear under their breath. I didn't know if it was Kar or Sol who said that. I wanted to know though. I wanted to know who had died.

A few minutes later I heard the door click open and whoever it was drag something out. My eyes filled with tears and I wanted to scream, but my voice didn't work.

I ended up lying on my bed silently crying until I fell asleep again.

**OOOOHHHH PLOT TWIST! Who's dead? I don't know (actually I haven't decided yet) you'll find out soon enough though. **


	6. Chapter 6

I want to know why you guys are still reading this story. Like I swear this is probably the worst story I've ever written and I hate it so much. Anyway, after A LOT of consideration I have decided what will happen in the next few chapters. OH shout out to arcaneAnatomy for the help with ideas and shit. Btw she's is fucking awesome and everyone should love her :3 check out her story Rainbow Drinking Clown too!

-••••••••••••••-

I woke up the next morning almost forgetting all that had happened the previous night.

That was, until I walked into the entrance way.

Blood covered the wall beside Sol's old room. It was dried up, and there was also a disgusting blood stain on the carpet. I covered my mouth to hold back a scream as I fell to the floor. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I could do nothing but scream into my hands and cry.

After what seemed like forever, I shakily pulled out my phone and tried to call Kar.

It rang once, twice, Three times, Nothing.

I hung up. No answer. Even though I knew Sol wasn't going to answer a call from me, I tried him as well. All I got was four rings and voice mail.

Fuck.

I needed to talk to one of them, hear them tell you it was all right, hear one of them say that it's not blood, it's just fake blood…yeah, I wished that was true.

I want to think that maybe they were just practicing for a play. Maybe a current day Romeo and Juliet, but I knew that wasn't true either.

THEY WERE SUCH IDIOTS! Throwing someone's life away because of me; funny, how someone would kill another person because of me.

I didn't want them dead. I wanted both of them to be alive, well, and happy. I wanted Sol back; I wanted him to be mine for the rest of our lives. I wouldn't care if he cheated or anything; I just wanted him to be mine. I loved him, more then I had ever loved anyone else, but now… now he might have been… gone.

I wanted Kar back just as much, but I didn't want him the way he wanted me. He was my friend, my best friend, and I didn't want him to be my lover. Sure I had slept with him a few times but I didn't love him. I didn't love him at all, and it took me until that minute to realize it. But he wanted to be mine. The only thing was, if he was left alive I don't think I could ever look at him again. He'd go to jail and I don't think I could ever look at him the same way again, knowing he killed Sol.

The same went for Sol, would I still be able to love him knowing he killed my best friend? The one who was there for me when he wasn't? It was a hard thing to think about.

This whole thing was a hard thing to think about. I loved them, I really, truly did. Weather it was as a friend, or as my partner, I still loved them both. None of them should have died, but one did…

-0000_0000-

A few hours later, my phone rang. There was no ID, so I picked it up, hoping it wasn't one of those damn telemarketers calling just to piss me off. "ERIDAN, HEY IT'S ME" The voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Kar?" I asked. Somewhere in the back of my head I wished it wasn't him. If he was calling, that would mean Sol's dead.

"YEAH IT'S ME, HEY CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?" His voice was full of urgency. Something was wrong, something was really wrong. He doesn't wait for my answer before he starts talking again. "LOOK ERIDAN, I SHOT SOLLUX LAST NIGHT. WE GOT INTO A FIGHT AND…AND IT JUST HAPPENED."

"I knoww" I whispered so quietly I wondered if Karkat could even hear it.

"…" silence on his end.

"I heard you fightin last night an then I heard the gun fire an…" I burst into tears, I doubted Kar could even tell what I was saying after gun fire, but I didn't care.

"I'M SO SORRY; LOOK, I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME."

"Wwhat?"

"CLEAN UP THE BLOOD AND ABANDON YOUR HOUSE. RUN AWAY WITH ME AND WE CAN START A NEW LIFE TOGETHER. JUST THE TWO OF US, THAT WAY SOLLUX CAN'T INTERFERE WITH OUR LOVE. WE CAN CHANGE OUR NAMES, COME ON ERIDAN, DO THIS, FOR ME?"

I let out a sigh; I knew something along those lines was coming. I just didn't know if I was ready to tell him no yet. I had to think of the words for a bit before I finally said something. "Kar, listen, it's not that I don't lovve you or anything, because I do, I just don't lovve you in the wway you lovve me. I lovve Sol, I lovve him more then I havve ever lovved anyone else an I don't think I could spend my life wwith the one wwho killed him. I'm sorry Kar."

"FUCK YOU, ERIDAN, I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN HE WASN'T, YOU SHOULD LOVE ME, NOT HIM AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO? YOU GO AND STAB ME IN THE FUCKING BACK BY SAYING YOU LOVE HIM INSTEAD OF ME. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF THAT? I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE FARTHEST REACHES OF HELL FOR LEADING ME ON LIKE THAT. THERE'S A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL RESERVED FOR ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH ERIDAN. I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!"

"Fine because I nevver wwant to speak to you either!" I yelled hanging up the phone. I screamed, it felt so fucking good to scream. I was so nice to him, and all he did was yell at me. It's not like I have to be in love with him or anything. It wasn't illegal to love someone else or anything.

God, I missed Sol so much. I would never see him again, and I would never see Kar again either.


End file.
